Resolutions are for quitters, but making life changes requires working smarter not harder.
I’ve made countless new year’s resolutions in my lifetime only to have them broken in most cases before they’ve even started. I’m going to lose weight, save money, keep a tidy room, and to stop watching so much porn. The thing is, we can’t fight who we are and forcing radical changes on ourselves will only force our bodies to resist accordingly. If you want to truly make resolutions that stick, they need to be ones that matter and you need to use coercion rather than intimidation to get yourself on track.
One such resolution for me is writing more on this blog. Originally, the MyndJack Radio blog was to be used for the hosts to post our extended thoughts about things brought up on the show. It’s also home to updates on the various things we have going on, a supplemental to some of the skits and gags we have in progress, and typically updates on your favorite (and not so favorite) guests that we’ve had on the show. All four of the hosts are supposed to be posting on there, but it seems only one has the true commitment, resolve, and determination to follow through with it.
Which explains why this is the first blog I’ve written since what, like December 5th?! Yeah, I suck.
Anyways, I’m going to try to stick to writing something daily, simply because I have too many thoughts buzzing around in my noggin that I gotta get them out and ya’ll know I can’t get a word in edgewise on the show, so here they come. In 2012, expect a lot more of Mynd Ramblings here, but you might start seeing some from my other compatriots. Also, we might bust open the mailbag once we figure out what the password is to the account, and post your letters here. Hell, if you have something that you would like us to post, shoot it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we just might put it up.
We’ll be back on the air in a couple weeks, probably Jan 24th, but we will keep you updated. If you haven’t already, join the MyndJack Nation Group on Facebook, an exclusive community that everyone is allowed to be a part of, just petition to join and you’re in. We’d love to have you with us.
So, I resolve to write more crap on this blog and to keep it updated. I will try to make it both funny and interesting, but if I am too much of either or too little of both, lemme know. I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a good year, even if I resolve to do nothing.
Oh and be sure to check out the New Years Eve podcast! It was such a blast as we ring in the new year!
There is a new political view that seems to be taking the country by storm. Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, Progressive, Conservative, left-wing, right-wing, or bat wing, Americans are joining together under a new political belief called Regurgetarianism. This is the political view that anything slightly political that you skim over online, you must then cut and paste on your Facebook wall and comment about it as if it’s the biggest, most controversial bit of news you’ve ever heard.Regurgetarianism began at a coffee shop north of Emeryville, California when undeclared college undergrads occupied couches and rambled on about how oppressed they feel about having to get an actual job someday. These chai-tea intellectuals would take random quotes out of context from the undecipherable scribbling of obscure Socialist writers and “re-imagine” them, much like Steven Spielberg reimagined Indiana Jones with an earring and those damn aliens. This would soon form the philosophy that Socialism is pretty cool when other people have more stuff than you. Meanwhile, in some cosmic serendipity, a group of young intellectuals, who happen to be the sons and daughters of wealthy CEOs or Congresspersons, gathered in the fourth story recreational room of one of the smaller mansions in Fairfax County, Virginia. There, they waxed and waned about what color BMW they should get next and how culturally diverse they feel since their landscaper is named Raul. One of them, likely Sebastian, Madison, Aiden, or Anistasia Beaverhousen, would stumble onto the very blog mentioned earlier and bring it up to the coven of trust fund babies. Naturally, they want no part of this tree-hugger, shared-wealth ideals because a) those damn hippies need to get a job and b) there isn’t enough money for everyone to have their cheerios served on a silver platter crafted by the hardworking children of NotAmericaLand.
Then, you have the guys and gals busting their asses 60 plus hours a week so that they pay an astronomical amount of money to fill their compact car just to get them to their devastatingly over-mortgaged home in time for them to log onto Facebook and read about how one side says they aren’t working hard enough while the other side wants their cut of what they already earned. While the pseudo-intellectuals cut and paste what they read from the clinically insane and twist it around into some form of political stance to prove the other guys wrong, the exhausted worker doesn’t post shit on his facebook because a) they are too tired and b) whats the fucking point?
So, the next time you are about to post something on Facebook that you kinda-sorta-read in the same way we all read the Illiad in school as far as our English teacher knows, take a moment and truly digest its importance. Why are you posting it? What purpose does it serve? Did you already make up your mind about how you feel about it before you read it?
The world isn’t black or white, Republican or Democrat, Christian or Muslim, Red Sox or Yankee. Please, do the world a favor. Consider your sources and their own agendas. Think before you cut and paste, or you will be among the new Regurgetarians!
Feel free to cut and paste this on your Facebook wall!
In the MyndJack Nation, the Holiday Season is no different. Each year, we have a special Holiday Episode that airs just before December 25th. Our Holiday Special is filled with cheer and special performances by the friends and family of the Nation you know and love, allowing free expression of holiday cheer in our own special way.
Also, it’s a great filler replay so we don’t have to do a LIVE show!
This season, we decided to do something extra special. MyndJack Radio and Song Parodies are quite the familiar bed-buddies and the mass of talent in the Nation makes Saturday Night Live look like…..well, Saturday Night Live. So, what if members of the MyndJack Nation wrote speshul Holiday parodies for each other as their own Holiday gifts? This lead to our idea for Secret Singing Santas!Sign up by emailing me at email@example.com and you will be given the name of a random member of the myndjack nation to write, record, and produce a speshul song parody dedicated to them. Of course, myself and Santa Manny will be available to assist in any way possible, in fact, we expect it. This even includes helping you write lyrics, but there are a ton of members in the Nation whose creativity surpasses even ours.
We will air each of these song parody “gifts” en masse for our Holiday Speshul, which will air on Tuesday December 20th. We will need all sign ups by November 20th where we will be sending out the names of your muse. We will need all performances by December 18th to make them epic for the Dec 20th Holiday Spechul!
So, sign up today and leave a happy Holiday turd in someone’s stocking this Holiday Season!
HO HO HO, BITCHES!
Today could be the last day of Troy Davis life. Should it be?He is set to die tonight in Georgia at 7pm EST, but everyone from The Pope of Rome to Chris Brown are urging for a stay of execution. Likely by the time you read this, he’s either dead or they’ve stayed his execution at the last minute, but as of right now, it seems they are on schedule to terminate this man’s life. Protesters are using slogans such as “Stop the Legal Lynching of Troy Davis” or “Don’t Kill an Innocent Man” in signs and rallies.
But what if he did it?
Troy Davis was convicted of the murder of police officer Mark McPhail on August 8th, 1991. Essentially, the story is that Davis, who had shot a man in the face earlier that night, pistol whipped a homeless man outside a Burger King. Apparently, an associate of Davis, a man named Redd Coles, was arguing with the homeless man over a beer when Davis arrived and beat the homeless man with a gun. McPhail, an off-duty police officer, attempted to intervene but was shot twice, once in the chest and once in the face, before he could draw his weapon, allegedly by Davis.
Davis was sentenced to death. After numerous appeals, new evidence evaluated, and three stays of execution, Davis is set to die tonight in Georgia. Still, Davis maintains his innocence and currently is demanding a polygraph test. Protesters are….well, protesting all over the globe today, not just in Georgia but as far as the American Embassy in Paris, France, demanding that Davis be given amnesty for a crime they believe he did not commit. Even Former President Jimmy Carter and the Pope have expressed their disapproval at the decision to put Davis to death and are urging for amnesty.
So, here’s what’s got me scratching my head instead of my ass today. I’m no lawyer and I don’t pretend that watching a three day marathon of Law & Order makes me any more qualified to pass the bar than Sam Watterson; however, there are several things that bother me about this whole deal.
First, the case itself sounds like the same kind of shoddy police work that got OJ Simpson off. A man could be as guilty as homemade sin but even a werewolf has the right to a fair trial and thorough police proceedings.
Essentially, police took the word of a guy who admitted to arguing with a bum over his beer, allegedly threatened to burst down the door of the Davis home, and illegally retrieved a pair of shorts belonging to Davis which allegedly links him to the crime; however they were later denied as evidence due to the manner in which they were obtained.
Secondly, several death threats were made to the Davis family because the police investigation was interfering with the business of several local drug dealers. WHAT?! The drug dealers were pissed at Davis for bringing the police in and made several death threats to Davis, who had fled the area with his disabled sister. Does this sound like a positive family environment to you?Thirdly, so many people are jumping on the FREE TROY DAVIS bandwagon, yet how many are even looking at the evidence? None of them are on the POOR MARK MCPHAIL bandwagon, yet he was the true hero in this whole story. At best, Troy Davis neglected to stop the real killer from beating up a homeless man with a gun and then shooting an off-duty police officer. That’s in spite of 10 witnesses that say he did it, although apparently several of those same witnesses have recanted their testimony claiming that the police bullied them. I’m sure the global attention that this case has gathered has nothing to do with their recantation.
Now, if the Pope of Rome and Jimmy Carter say we should let this guy off, that’s one thing, but now that Chris Brown is involved, well call the Governor right now! I mean seriously, how close are we to instilling the court of public opinion into an actual branch of the Judicial system? Soon, you can vote guilty or not guilty from your iPad or Droid phone. Facebook will have polls where the accused can be defended by Stucky McUnderpants who uses Wikipedia and his collection of CSI DVDs to build a strong defense. Forget about the fact that Mark McPhail is dead and Davis at least knows who did it if he didn’t do it himself.Finally, should he be put to death? I’m not one for the death penalty myself and I don’t think the man should be executed; however, let’s not glorify a thug like Davis by making him the spokesperson for Amnesty International. The nation was outraged when Casey Anthony got off despite the overwhelming opinion that she did it, including the jury who believed she was guilty but declared her not guilty. Is this guy any less of a monster? Maybe he shouldn’t die tonight, but let’s not go so far as to call the man innocent just because we want him to be.
So, I will join the protests, but with a slightly different slogan.
“Don’t Kill Troy Davis, Don’t Kill a Likely Guilty Man”
I wasn’t a passenger on American Airlines Flight 11 or United Airlines Flight 175, which were flown directly into the towers at 8:46am and 9:03am respectively. I was not sitting there, strapped to a machine I had no control over, heading to my doom with my last moments filled with terror.
I was not inside the towers when the planes crashed, starting the last day of my life with a cup of coffee, checking my email, to suddenly find myself either bursting into flames or desperately clinging to a structure that would collapse within hours. I did not leap to my death in a last ditch effort to control my fate rather than be subject to it.
I was not on American Airlines Flight 77, which crashed into the Pentagon. I also was not a member of the brave passengers of United Airlines Flight 93, which crashed in the heartland of Pennsylvania after the passengers attempted to take back the flight, diverting another crash from hitting DC.I wasn’t among the first responders to this horrible tragedy, at ground zero, amidst the chaos and rubble, desperately trying to rescue those lucky enough to have survived this long, only to lose my own life when the towers came crashing down. I was not among the brave soldiers, firefighters, police officers, citizens who dropped everything to do what they could for their brothers and sisters.
I was not there when American Citizens showed the world that you can’t intimidate us with fear. I was not there where citizens of my own country showed the world that we deal with tragedy head on, and when the shit hits the fan, we get busy. I was not there to show the world that the American Spirit is not a myth or an ideology for us to mock or roll our eyes at. We showed the world that this sort of thing might work in countries ruled by fear, but not in the United States of America…..and I was not there.I was instead standing in a shopping mall, with my Iced Toffee Nut Mocha from Starbucks, transfixed to the television in Radio Shack, watching it all unfold in the comfort of air conditioning and a slight caffeine buzz. I would continue my day, bewildered, stunned, but I would have nothing on the brave men and women who faced this tragedy head on, some losing their lives for it.
So I do not ask you, America, where you were 10 years ago when 9/11 happened. I ask, where you NOT?
Wow. Crack may be whack, but meth is like death.I’m not here to judge people’s recreational drug use, but anything can be abused, and I’m an advocate of knowing your limits and protecting your ass. I was heartbroken to discover that drugs had turned one of the hottest Playboy Playmates of the 1990’s into a skeezy drug fiend. No airbrushing can help this hag now.
When I was twelve, I discovered my dad’s stack of Playboy magazines in the bathroom cabinet. I hadn’t “discovered” any use for them but my pants would get really tight when I would see the naked ladies adorning the cologne-scented pages of what would become my favorite magazine of all time. He once had a Penthouse, but the women in that magazine were kinda fug compared to the airbrushed beauties of the late 1980’s.
My parents had recently divorced and I was living with my pops, who had just become a single, slightly gray haired Lieutenant Commander in the US Navy. This was right around the time of Officer and a Gentleman, Top Gun, and No Way Out. Needless to say, I had a lot of SMOKING HAWT Babysitters until a few years later when he met my now stepmother.I purchased my first Playboy from a broken-English newsstand clerk in the Atlanta airport while on layover flying back from visiting my mother in Florida. At the time, I felt like I was king of the world, master of my domain, and an evil criminal mastermind all rolled into one; but I still felt uncomfortable reading it on the plane, let alone partaking in a new activity that most early teens have discovered. I had hot contraband and when my dad picked me up from the airport, I couldn’t wait to get home with my smuggled smut. The year was 1992. The Playmate of the Month was Tanya Beyer and she was, in my opinion, one of the hottest Playmates of all time.
When I got to VMI, I could finally get my own subscription to the magazine that I had kept as a guilty pleasure for years. Naturally, at an all male military college, I found my brother rats with various degrees of “porn” to some of which are unspeakable even to this day. Let’s just say that BRICKHOUSE MONTHLY was about more than just big asses. Ewwww. Surrounded by daily smut that made Playboy look like Entertainment Weekly, combined with the “rat-in-a-cage” desperation to just fuck something, anything, and everything that being a nasty, bald rat would instill, my snobby view of pornography was shattered. It was everywhere, and I wanted more.I had ordered a Playmates in Paradise video, which included Tanya Beyer and other Playmates running around beaches au natural. When it arrived in my VMI mail, I couldn’t wait to find an AV room to view my prize; however, finding a VACANT AV room had become a major problem. It seems most other cadets had the same idea as me, and far worse smut than I had. I had walked into what I thought was a dark, empty AV storage room only to find six of my fellow cadets gathered around a glowing screen showcasing what appeared to be some kind of German combination human anatomy video and cooking show. It was freakishly disgusting, unspeakably deplorable, and degrading to the human species in every way. Naturally, I took a seat.
Now, don’t freak out. No one in this viewing party had any plans other than using the images they see for later. That’s part of the protocol for group porn watching. No one take out their junk. You watch the porn, then everyone goes their separate ways to find some privacy. If you start abusing yourself in a group like this, not only is it uncouth, but you are liable to get your ass kicked. I mean, we have standards ya know.
So this particular video that I dare classify as pornography of some kind was over and the faceless cadet running the VCR noticed the video I had been clutching in my hands. With a voice that sounded like Buffalo Bill asking for me to put the lotion in the basket, he queried, “Hey, whatchu got there? Let’s see it!” I froze and before I could speak, another shadowy, nameless cadet snatched it from me and passed it to our host. I could tell he was holding it up to his face, trying to use the blue glow of the TV to decipher what it is. He grumbled “is this the one where the two hermaphrodites fuck each other in their gashes?”
I wanted to explain to the group that this was a high class Playboy video, full of artistic nudity and gorgeous, high class nude models in gorgeous scenery. Before I could respond, Cadet Buffalo Bill had already removed the tape from its colorful casing and jammed it into the VCR with his grubby, unwashed mitts. At first, the mood of the group was rowdy and excited as a preview of an Anna Nicole Smith video played before our feature. This was way before her tragic death and equally tragic television show. Various commentary about the girth of her tits and how fat girls have more cushion for the pushin’ could be heard before the feature presentation began. I figured at least I’d be able to see Tanya Beyer romp around the beach nude in all her glory, even if surrounded by the skeeziest pervs in the barracks.
Let me say this about Playboy videos. The models are gorgeous, the backgrounds are exotic and breathtaking, and the quality of these videos are professional. They feature themes, seductive stripteases, and exotic group nude romps punctuated by brief interviews with the ladies themselves. Playboy videos do not feature two women with ginormous purple strap on dildos performing the cunt-de-gra on each other while a third pees on them. This information quickly became apparent to the movie club as violent protests of the lack of penetration, cunnilingus, and what one referred to as “meat curtains” began to get louder and louder. The host growled “what kind of bullshit (homosexual) flick is this?!” which I found ironic in that we were all a room full of sweaty guys getting horny together.
Still, I ignored the protests because there, on the screen, Tanya was standing on the beach topless with another playmate explaining that they were actresses and their role called for them to run around the beach topless and play volleyball. They were acting, of course, not just being hot naked women on the beach. You gotta respect their craft.
Suddenly, the screen went blue as I could hear the mechanics of the VCR regurgitating my video. Cadet Buffalo Bill growled “that was the gayest shit I’ve ever seen!” as he tossed my video over his shoulder, which made a loud crash as it hit the floor. Buffalo Bill snarled for another film, but the mood had been broken. Another cadet clicked the light on his watch and exclaimed “Shit, it’s almost TAPS!” The movie club slowly, ashamedly took various exits to the storage room and made their escape.I waited to when I felt like everyone else had left and snuck over to the floor where my video had fallen. It wasn’t broken, but it felt greasy from Buffalo Bill’s mitts. As I made my way out of the room, with my tainted contraband, I noticed that Buffalo Bill had not left yet. He was just sitting there staring at the blue screen and I prayed that I didn’t see one hand down his pants as I opened the door to leave.
I made my way to my room, feeling like I had just seen the girl I was in love with (or at least wanted to get in her pants) just gang fucked before my eyes. I couldn’t keep the video anymore, it was tainted, soiled, and toxic to me. I rounded the corner towards my room and chucked the video down the garbage shoot, not even pausing to hear the clunk as it hit the trash bin below. I returned to my room just in time to hear the bugle for Taps and laid in my bed still trying to conjure the memory of Tanya Beyer’s mammaries in my head, only to hear Cadet Buffalo Bill and the Skeezy Movie Club’s protests in my mind to ruin the moment.
This marked the moment where Playboy would no longer do it for me; however, I would always remember Tanya Beyer as the object of my lust and affection, at least for that brief couple weeks. My level of acceptable pornography would gradually plummet over the years, perhaps for my own good. The 19 year old who lay bitter in his bed rack would never understand the glorious acts of perversion that awaited him just months away. Mel Brooks summed it up great in that he had been taught that sex was dirty, filthy, humiliating, and a sinful experience; and that’s exactly how it should be.
So, I hope you understand now how for a brief moment in my sexual awakening, Tanya Beyer, Playmate of the Month February 1992, was the focus of my lust and desire. Future Playmates, such as Karen McDougal, Stephanie Glasson, Corinna Harney, and yes, Jenny McCarthy would also capture my eye, but Tanya was kinda my first big Playboy crush. So, the other day, I decided to google her to find out what she is up to now. I had seen Facebook fanpages for former playmates and twitter accounts popping up for the hotties of the 1990’s. It was amazing how most of these women still looked somewhat hot, even though most of them now looked like cougars or trophy wives, they all still were hot for the most part. Thank you plastic surgeons of America!What I found about Tanya is heartbreaking and also vomit inducing similar to how I felt back in the movie club. Apparently, Tanya had been arrested in March of 2010 for drug trafficking and possession. She had also been on the run from the police for nearly 6 months before they arrested her. The shockingly tragic thing was not the charges but the picture of the now pot-marked, grizzled, haggered, downright fugly female who was supposed to be the very same woman I lusted after in my late teens. How could this happen?
Such an incredible disappointment. Turns out, she was a meth head and got involved in some serious shit. She was released at the end of last year, but the image of her skeezed out meth face still haunts me when I think about her. How could someone who at one time looked breathtakingly gorgeous now look like she rolled out of the ass of the creature from the fugly lagoon?
I guess to sum up, drugs are bad, mmmkay?
Wagner will not be on the show tonight, however he sends his best regards to the MyndJack Nation and is looking forward to joining us in the Fall. We will go into the details of what happened, but it is totally not Wagner’s fault, he was looking forward to joining us tonight but management put the kaibash on it.
Still, no hard feelings, the situation is completely understandable and Wagner wants us all to know that he appreciates us and looks forward to joining us on the air in the Fall.
“I am the one who thanks you for the invitation. Please tell [the MyndJack Nation] that Wagner will be coming soon and my deepest apologies.” -Wagner
So, tonight is still gonna kick major ass because not only is it MIX and MASH week, but Melinda Green from Top Idol will be joining the judges panel as well as a surprise special guest judge! Who could possibly be as cool and full of LOVE as Wagner? You rrrrrrreaaallly wanna tune in for this!
Also, he will be sitting down at the judges panel next to Deb, Professor Kast, and DJ Slim from Idolbloglive.com as your Top 7 take the stage and perform the greatest R&B hits of all time! Tune in tonight LIVE at 9pm EST for a SOULFULL two hours of eargasmic entertainment!
Illegal – adj. not according to or authorized by law, not sanctioned by official rules (as of a game)
Immigrant – a person who comes to a country to take up permanent residenceCalifornia Governor Jerry Brown signed the first part of a bill that will allow illegal immigrants to receive limited financial aid. This is part of what is referred to as the California Dream Act, which is designed to give financial aid to illegal immigrants. (Lin, AP 2011)
Before we get going on this topic, let’s set some ground rules: I am not against immigration reform nor am I against immigration in the legal sense. I am against illegal immigration. There is a major difference, and that is the adjective “illegal” in the above statement. It seems like every time I get into this debate, those arguing on the other side of the issue tend to fuse the issue in with anti-immigration, so let’s not go there. This is about legal versus illegal immigration, not immigration or no immigration.
Now then, what the hell is going on here?! Since when are we giving any government benefit to those who don’t have the respect to immigrate to our country legally?
How hard is it really to become an American Citizen, and shouldn’t it be worth any hassle one should expect? Am I to no longer drive with a license because the DMV was too complicated for me?
It just doesn’t make sense to me why we are even allowing this to go on. You cannot properly budget for a country without a proper headcount. Financial aid is a privilege afforded to American citizens, including legal immigrants.
What are your thoughts on this issue? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll read your comments on the air.
Ok, maybe in a Keith Richards and Steve-O kind of way we all had figured on this chick out living us all, but that’s kind of the whole point. The girl had a serious problem and was going to end up like this at some point, and all we did was treat her like a big joke. Now that she’s dead, we are all supposed to feel bad for pointing and laughing? We are all supposed to feel bad and ashamed for laughing at this train wreck? Would we feel the same if Lindsay Lohan was found dead tomorrow?
I’m not trying to piss on someone’s grave here, but seriously, what is Amy Winehouse famous for? What real hit besides Rehab did she have? I’m not taking away from her gift, she truly had a great voice and her music was unique in its mix of classic throwback jazz and modern day pop, but let’s be honest, she was a one hit wonder. Rehab was her only real success, but one hit song doesn’t make one a national sensation. Remember Cathy Dennis? Exactly!
She was a celebrity because of her drug crazed antics. She made headlines not because of a new released platinum greatest hits album, but the hits of heroine mixed with cocaine with a little mescal on the side. I mean, this girl was laughing at death in the face while giving it the finger and kicking it in the nuts. She was doing serious drugs and damn the consequences, which is what made her only hit Rehab all that more ironic. She should have gone to Rehab, YES YES YES.What we don’t know is what went on away from the media hype. Were people really trying to help her? Were people reaching out to her only to be told to fuck off? I’m sure she felt she didn’t need any help and anyone who tried to get her to go to rehab, she would tell them “NO NO NO!” It’s a tragedy, but let’s remember she did this to herself. We’ve all know someone who we’ve reached out to help and they’ve told us to mind our own business. Nothing we can do.
She was a joke we all laughed at. Don’t feel guilty now that she’s gone any more than feel guilty for watching Paris Hilton’s sex tape. (You know you did!) Her legend was even a mainstay in our own Weak Sauce News where Professor Kast would announce weekly, sometimes twice, that Amy Winehouse was still not dead. You don’t get to that level of global farce unless you’ve seriously got a problem.
So, Amy Winehouse is dead. It’s ok to be sad for the loss, it’s never a good thing when a human life ends. It’s also ok to laugh at the irony that she shocked us because we didn’t expect it to happen. At least the world knew her name and got to hear her gift.