Once again, I am trying to avoid wearing my tinfoil hat; however, it’s getting more and more difficult these days.
Our nation faces a lot of issues and a lot of promises are being and will be made during this election year. Two presidential candidates, the incumbent Barak Obama, and the as-of-yet-unnamed-but-apparently-Romney Republican challenger, will flood the media with their campaigns to tell us how the path to utopia rests with their leadership, while the path to destruction is the sole outcome of voting for their opponent.
Those of us who are a bit more skeptical of what is spoon fed to us may find a pattern in many of the sudden crisis issues in the news today. Health care is an issue and does need reform, but it doesn’t mean that the latest reform act itself is in our best interest. That’s like saying water is good for you, so here have a cup of some deliciousness I scooped out of the Dismal Swamp.
There is one vital piece of information that seems to either be ignored or misunderstood about our government. When the presidential candidates make their promises of cutting taxes, enacting reform, and bringing change, there is one fact that we should all remember: The President does not make laws.
Remember in school when they taught us the three branches of government? I wonder how many of us were truly paying attention because it seems like a lot of us forgot this. Below is the definition of the actual powers of the Executive Branch of government, according to congressforkids.net:
Executive Branch: Headed by the president. The president carries out federal laws and recommends new ones, directs national defense and foreign policy, and performs ceremonial duties. Powers include directing government, commanding the Armed Forces, dealing with international powers, acting as chief law enforcement officer, and vetoing laws.
The Executive Branch is the President. Congress is the Legislative Branch, the one that makes laws. The President can make recommendations and use his veto power to stop laws he does not agree with, but it is Congress that we should be more concerned about if we want change. Perhaps it is easier for us to hold one person responsible for the fate of our nation rather than a larger group.
Still, presidential candidates make a lot of promises that they can’t possibly keep just to get elected. I would rather hear from a candidate that they are going to hold Congress accountable for their screwing around, but since all they can do is suggest bills rather than make laws, how empty are these promises to begin with? Shouldn’t we be more concerned with who we elect to Congress this year rather than President?
The laws that affect us all are not handled by the President but by our Congress. Each state has two senators and a number of representatives depending on our state population. Shouldn’t we be more concerned with the body of government that actually makes the laws and the decisions that directly affect our lives?
I am not saying that the Presidential election is unimportant; in fact, who we elect as our president represents us to the world. Let’s just remember that if we really want change, let’s focus on the appropriate branch of our government.
It’s hard to write MJR blogs when I also have papers to write, production to…um…produce for the show, and Citiville buildings to construct. Still, I knew that I would be blogging about this whole Treyvon Martin case that has gotten a lot of the MJR Nation heated. It started with a discussion on last Thursdays show where I was asking about the hoodie movement and where all of this outrage was coming from.
One thing I’ve always maintained is that we should never make up our minds about an issue until we hear all of the facts. Our on-air discussion about Treyvon Martin and George Zimmerman may have left us all with more questions than answers, but it also spawned a heated follow-up discussion on Facebook. You can read all about it here.
There has been a lot of discussion about whether Zimmerman acted in self-defense or whether he wrongly attacked Martin because he was black, or wearing a hoodie. Is it wrong to cast judgement on someone for how they dress? Should the police have arrested Zimmerman? Are they covering it up? Was the killing justified? What IS justice for Treyvon Martin? A lot of questions with a lot of different opinions on what the answers are.
This is not what this blog entry is going to be about though. My concern is more with you, MyndJack Nation, and what you expect from us, meaning the MyndJack Radio Hosts, and the Nation as a whole.
Back when we were “prepping” for the show on Thursday, we tossed around what the hot topics of the day were and the Treyvon Martin shooting came up. I hadn’t heard all of the facts, but it was hard for me to even get an accurate account of exactly what happened because multiple media sources were contradicting each other. These were not editorials but supposed fact-based news sources. By airtime, I still had no idea what was going on, but I wasn’t about to get outraged over something before I heard enough of the facts to form an opinion.
The on-air discussion led to more discussion in the chatroom and then the subsequent responses in the MJR Nation Group. Freedom of expression is at the core of the MyndJack Nation’s purpose, and being respectful of each other’s opinions is expected. We have a strict “NO DOUCHE-CANOES” policy at club Myndjack and we all seem to enforce it pretty effectively.
What I began to notice in the Facebook discussions about this case caused me some concern. Several folks had already made up their minds before they admittedly heard all of the facts of the case and some rather skewed assumptions were being made about what a lot of us were saying. Sure, a lot can be lost in text; however, the debate started to take a hostile undertone with some folks. It was assumed that anyone who wasn’t outraged (hoodie or not) believed Zimmerman to be innocent. It was also assumed that what I said on the radio show Thursday night contradicted my comments on the Facebook thread. Thirdly, it was implied that I was scolding those who decided to change their profile pictures to that of them wearing hoodies. None of these assumptions were true at all.
What began to bother me was that I was now being looked at negatively for not agreeing with several well respected members of the MyndJack Radio Nation. I stated my personal opinion of why I was not ready to wear a hoodie myself and cited a few issues that I felt were more worthy of my outrage than the Martin shooting. I also admitted that I may be a bit more cynical about anything in the media during an election year. The reaction confused and surprised me. People I like and respect were now upset with me for speaking my mind. I didn’t call them sluts for wanting birth control, or nappy headed hos on a basketball team, I simply disagreed with the outrage.
Part of me was offended that these friends of mine were letting themselves get far too emotionally invested in this while the other side of me, the MJR Host, didn’t want to offend listeners and valued members of our show community. I was thinking that maybe I should just drop it or submit to the opinion of everyone else in order to not risk losing them. What if my statements cause some of these friends to stop listening to our show and leave the MyndJack Radio Nation?
Then my confusion led to an epiphany. This is why media is so strongly biased in the first place. This is why Geraldo Rivera is wagging his horrible mustache on Fox News about how the hoodie is to blame for Treyvon’s death. This is the same man who got socked in the snooker by a chair-wielding KKK member on his wanna-be Jerry Springer show in the late 80’s. MSNBC posts several articles on how this is a case of a White man shooting a Black kid because he was racist. Multiple media sources were all posting about this tragedy, but with their own slant catering to their audience.
Should we do the same on MyndJack Radio? Should we compromise what we believe so that we don’t risk losing listeners? Should we give a rat’s ass about that?
I wanna hear from all of you. Please email me your thoughts at firstname.lastname@example.org and be sure to express if you wanna keep it private or if you are ok with me reading your thoughts on the air. I will decline to name you on the air if you wish, but I think this is an important issue. We want the MyndJack Radio Nation to be a place of free ideas and expression, a fortress of togetherness away from all the crap we have to deal with in our crazy lives. If this is compromised, let me know.
Before I end this, I wanna leave you with a quote from Chris Rock, the same one I posted on the Facebook thread.
“Anyone who makes up their mind before they hear the issue is a fucking fool. Be a fucking person. Listen. Let it swirl around your head. Then form your opinion.” – Chris Rock
Did we jump the bandwagon before getting all of the facts? Are we emotionally invested in our opinion or did we calmly collect enough facts to form an opinion that we can support with evidence? Is it our opinion or one somebody else gave us? If someone disagrees with us, does it make them wrong? Are they attacking our opinion when they disagree? Does being respectful of opinions go only one way? Should we be mad at those who disagree with us? Were they even disagreeing with us in the first place, or did we read into something that may not have been there?
And most importantly……..if we disagree, will there still be LURD?!
(Our discussion on this topic begins around the 23 minute mark on this past Thursday’s show.)
Well, MyndJack Radio Nation, it has been quite an interesting two weeks since we returned to the airwaves, especially in light of last weeks avalanche of incompetence. Despite two guest no shows (one due to an AYBABTU miscommunication on time zones and the other due to…..well….the moon?), we were able to turn the chaos into laughs thanks to Sean from Out Loud Radio, Deb and Manny, and of course, the Nation.
Tonight, we have Siobhan for realz. We’ll see what she thinks of my Hanson butchering, perhaps she’ll dig it. We are still working out the details for the Wagner interview, but it appears that we will have to pre-record it. Continue to email your questions for Siobhan and Wagner to email@example.com and we will be sure to get them in if we can.
Professor Kast is set to return this week, ideally with a new Chatlib for the masses to revel in. Also, I hear he has been doing some research on some real facepalms in our human species. Something about Darwin’s Theory letting us down, I can only imagine something similar to the lady who wrecked her car because she was driving while trying to shave her pubic hair.
There has been a lot of blab about Madonna’s Half Time show and, as Goodnight Irene has cited, the MJR Nation seems divided on either she was a dinosaur trainwreck of lipsyncing arthritis or a fun, popcorn fluff spectacle. Regardless, she will never match the Purple Muppet but we all can agree she was much better than the Who. And who cares if MIA flipped the bird on camera? If that’s the most creative thing she can do on stage, then so be it.
I have seen the cover art for Jay Danger’s MJRI3 winning album. We will be having a CD release party, including a contest to be the first to get your copy for free, but we will reveal the cover art at that time. Ann T Maim has really outdone herself on this and I’m sure the Nation will love it. In the words of Jay himself when he saw it “OMG ITS THE BEST THING EVER!”
We’ll see ya Tonight! Stay frosty, MyndJack Nation!
Resolutions are for quitters, but making life changes requires working smarter not harder.
I’ve made countless new year’s resolutions in my lifetime only to have them broken in most cases before they’ve even started. I’m going to lose weight, save money, keep a tidy room, and to stop watching so much porn. The thing is, we can’t fight who we are and forcing radical changes on ourselves will only force our bodies to resist accordingly. If you want to truly make resolutions that stick, they need to be ones that matter and you need to use coercion rather than intimidation to get yourself on track.
One such resolution for me is writing more on this blog. Originally, the MyndJack Radio blog was to be used for the hosts to post our extended thoughts about things brought up on the show. It’s also home to updates on the various things we have going on, a supplemental to some of the skits and gags we have in progress, and typically updates on your favorite (and not so favorite) guests that we’ve had on the show. All four of the hosts are supposed to be posting on there, but it seems only one has the true commitment, resolve, and determination to follow through with it.
Which explains why this is the first blog I’ve written since what, like December 5th?! Yeah, I suck.
Anyways, I’m going to try to stick to writing something daily, simply because I have too many thoughts buzzing around in my noggin that I gotta get them out and ya’ll know I can’t get a word in edgewise on the show, so here they come. In 2012, expect a lot more of Mynd Ramblings here, but you might start seeing some from my other compatriots. Also, we might bust open the mailbag once we figure out what the password is to the account, and post your letters here. Hell, if you have something that you would like us to post, shoot it to us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we just might put it up.
We’ll be back on the air in a couple weeks, probably Jan 24th, but we will keep you updated. If you haven’t already, join the MyndJack Nation Group on Facebook, an exclusive community that everyone is allowed to be a part of, just petition to join and you’re in. We’d love to have you with us.
So, I resolve to write more crap on this blog and to keep it updated. I will try to make it both funny and interesting, but if I am too much of either or too little of both, lemme know. I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be a good year, even if I resolve to do nothing.
Oh and be sure to check out the New Years Eve podcast! It was such a blast as we ring in the new year!
There is a new political view that seems to be taking the country by storm. Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, Progressive, Conservative, left-wing, right-wing, or bat wing, Americans are joining together under a new political belief called Regurgetarianism. This is the political view that anything slightly political that you skim over online, you must then cut and paste on your Facebook wall and comment about it as if it’s the biggest, most controversial bit of news you’ve ever heard.Regurgetarianism began at a coffee shop north of Emeryville, California when undeclared college undergrads occupied couches and rambled on about how oppressed they feel about having to get an actual job someday. These chai-tea intellectuals would take random quotes out of context from the undecipherable scribbling of obscure Socialist writers and “re-imagine” them, much like Steven Spielberg reimagined Indiana Jones with an earring and those damn aliens. This would soon form the philosophy that Socialism is pretty cool when other people have more stuff than you. Meanwhile, in some cosmic serendipity, a group of young intellectuals, who happen to be the sons and daughters of wealthy CEOs or Congresspersons, gathered in the fourth story recreational room of one of the smaller mansions in Fairfax County, Virginia. There, they waxed and waned about what color BMW they should get next and how culturally diverse they feel since their landscaper is named Raul. One of them, likely Sebastian, Madison, Aiden, or Anistasia Beaverhousen, would stumble onto the very blog mentioned earlier and bring it up to the coven of trust fund babies. Naturally, they want no part of this tree-hugger, shared-wealth ideals because a) those damn hippies need to get a job and b) there isn’t enough money for everyone to have their cheerios served on a silver platter crafted by the hardworking children of NotAmericaLand.
Then, you have the guys and gals busting their asses 60 plus hours a week so that they pay an astronomical amount of money to fill their compact car just to get them to their devastatingly over-mortgaged home in time for them to log onto Facebook and read about how one side says they aren’t working hard enough while the other side wants their cut of what they already earned. While the pseudo-intellectuals cut and paste what they read from the clinically insane and twist it around into some form of political stance to prove the other guys wrong, the exhausted worker doesn’t post shit on his facebook because a) they are too tired and b) whats the fucking point?
So, the next time you are about to post something on Facebook that you kinda-sorta-read in the same way we all read the Illiad in school as far as our English teacher knows, take a moment and truly digest its importance. Why are you posting it? What purpose does it serve? Did you already make up your mind about how you feel about it before you read it?
The world isn’t black or white, Republican or Democrat, Christian or Muslim, Red Sox or Yankee. Please, do the world a favor. Consider your sources and their own agendas. Think before you cut and paste, or you will be among the new Regurgetarians!
Feel free to cut and paste this on your Facebook wall!
Today could be the last day of Troy Davis life. Should it be?He is set to die tonight in Georgia at 7pm EST, but everyone from The Pope of Rome to Chris Brown are urging for a stay of execution. Likely by the time you read this, he’s either dead or they’ve stayed his execution at the last minute, but as of right now, it seems they are on schedule to terminate this man’s life. Protesters are using slogans such as “Stop the Legal Lynching of Troy Davis” or “Don’t Kill an Innocent Man” in signs and rallies.
But what if he did it?
Troy Davis was convicted of the murder of police officer Mark McPhail on August 8th, 1991. Essentially, the story is that Davis, who had shot a man in the face earlier that night, pistol whipped a homeless man outside a Burger King. Apparently, an associate of Davis, a man named Redd Coles, was arguing with the homeless man over a beer when Davis arrived and beat the homeless man with a gun. McPhail, an off-duty police officer, attempted to intervene but was shot twice, once in the chest and once in the face, before he could draw his weapon, allegedly by Davis.
Davis was sentenced to death. After numerous appeals, new evidence evaluated, and three stays of execution, Davis is set to die tonight in Georgia. Still, Davis maintains his innocence and currently is demanding a polygraph test. Protesters are….well, protesting all over the globe today, not just in Georgia but as far as the American Embassy in Paris, France, demanding that Davis be given amnesty for a crime they believe he did not commit. Even Former President Jimmy Carter and the Pope have expressed their disapproval at the decision to put Davis to death and are urging for amnesty.
So, here’s what’s got me scratching my head instead of my ass today. I’m no lawyer and I don’t pretend that watching a three day marathon of Law & Order makes me any more qualified to pass the bar than Sam Watterson; however, there are several things that bother me about this whole deal.
First, the case itself sounds like the same kind of shoddy police work that got OJ Simpson off. A man could be as guilty as homemade sin but even a werewolf has the right to a fair trial and thorough police proceedings.
Essentially, police took the word of a guy who admitted to arguing with a bum over his beer, allegedly threatened to burst down the door of the Davis home, and illegally retrieved a pair of shorts belonging to Davis which allegedly links him to the crime; however they were later denied as evidence due to the manner in which they were obtained.
Secondly, several death threats were made to the Davis family because the police investigation was interfering with the business of several local drug dealers. WHAT?! The drug dealers were pissed at Davis for bringing the police in and made several death threats to Davis, who had fled the area with his disabled sister. Does this sound like a positive family environment to you?Thirdly, so many people are jumping on the FREE TROY DAVIS bandwagon, yet how many are even looking at the evidence? None of them are on the POOR MARK MCPHAIL bandwagon, yet he was the true hero in this whole story. At best, Troy Davis neglected to stop the real killer from beating up a homeless man with a gun and then shooting an off-duty police officer. That’s in spite of 10 witnesses that say he did it, although apparently several of those same witnesses have recanted their testimony claiming that the police bullied them. I’m sure the global attention that this case has gathered has nothing to do with their recantation.
Now, if the Pope of Rome and Jimmy Carter say we should let this guy off, that’s one thing, but now that Chris Brown is involved, well call the Governor right now! I mean seriously, how close are we to instilling the court of public opinion into an actual branch of the Judicial system? Soon, you can vote guilty or not guilty from your iPad or Droid phone. Facebook will have polls where the accused can be defended by Stucky McUnderpants who uses Wikipedia and his collection of CSI DVDs to build a strong defense. Forget about the fact that Mark McPhail is dead and Davis at least knows who did it if he didn’t do it himself.Finally, should he be put to death? I’m not one for the death penalty myself and I don’t think the man should be executed; however, let’s not glorify a thug like Davis by making him the spokesperson for Amnesty International. The nation was outraged when Casey Anthony got off despite the overwhelming opinion that she did it, including the jury who believed she was guilty but declared her not guilty. Is this guy any less of a monster? Maybe he shouldn’t die tonight, but let’s not go so far as to call the man innocent just because we want him to be.
So, I will join the protests, but with a slightly different slogan.
“Don’t Kill Troy Davis, Don’t Kill a Likely Guilty Man”
I wasn’t a passenger on American Airlines Flight 11 or United Airlines Flight 175, which were flown directly into the towers at 8:46am and 9:03am respectively. I was not sitting there, strapped to a machine I had no control over, heading to my doom with my last moments filled with terror.
I was not inside the towers when the planes crashed, starting the last day of my life with a cup of coffee, checking my email, to suddenly find myself either bursting into flames or desperately clinging to a structure that would collapse within hours. I did not leap to my death in a last ditch effort to control my fate rather than be subject to it.
I was not on American Airlines Flight 77, which crashed into the Pentagon. I also was not a member of the brave passengers of United Airlines Flight 93, which crashed in the heartland of Pennsylvania after the passengers attempted to take back the flight, diverting another crash from hitting DC.I wasn’t among the first responders to this horrible tragedy, at ground zero, amidst the chaos and rubble, desperately trying to rescue those lucky enough to have survived this long, only to lose my own life when the towers came crashing down. I was not among the brave soldiers, firefighters, police officers, citizens who dropped everything to do what they could for their brothers and sisters.
I was not there when American Citizens showed the world that you can’t intimidate us with fear. I was not there where citizens of my own country showed the world that we deal with tragedy head on, and when the shit hits the fan, we get busy. I was not there to show the world that the American Spirit is not a myth or an ideology for us to mock or roll our eyes at. We showed the world that this sort of thing might work in countries ruled by fear, but not in the United States of America…..and I was not there.I was instead standing in a shopping mall, with my Iced Toffee Nut Mocha from Starbucks, transfixed to the television in Radio Shack, watching it all unfold in the comfort of air conditioning and a slight caffeine buzz. I would continue my day, bewildered, stunned, but I would have nothing on the brave men and women who faced this tragedy head on, some losing their lives for it.
So I do not ask you, America, where you were 10 years ago when 9/11 happened. I ask, where you NOT?
Wow. Crack may be whack, but meth is like death.I’m not here to judge people’s recreational drug use, but anything can be abused, and I’m an advocate of knowing your limits and protecting your ass. I was heartbroken to discover that drugs had turned one of the hottest Playboy Playmates of the 1990’s into a skeezy drug fiend. No airbrushing can help this hag now.
When I was twelve, I discovered my dad’s stack of Playboy magazines in the bathroom cabinet. I hadn’t “discovered” any use for them but my pants would get really tight when I would see the naked ladies adorning the cologne-scented pages of what would become my favorite magazine of all time. He once had a Penthouse, but the women in that magazine were kinda fug compared to the airbrushed beauties of the late 1980’s.
My parents had recently divorced and I was living with my pops, who had just become a single, slightly gray haired Lieutenant Commander in the US Navy. This was right around the time of Officer and a Gentleman, Top Gun, and No Way Out. Needless to say, I had a lot of SMOKING HAWT Babysitters until a few years later when he met my now stepmother.I purchased my first Playboy from a broken-English newsstand clerk in the Atlanta airport while on layover flying back from visiting my mother in Florida. At the time, I felt like I was king of the world, master of my domain, and an evil criminal mastermind all rolled into one; but I still felt uncomfortable reading it on the plane, let alone partaking in a new activity that most early teens have discovered. I had hot contraband and when my dad picked me up from the airport, I couldn’t wait to get home with my smuggled smut. The year was 1992. The Playmate of the Month was Tanya Beyer and she was, in my opinion, one of the hottest Playmates of all time.
When I got to VMI, I could finally get my own subscription to the magazine that I had kept as a guilty pleasure for years. Naturally, at an all male military college, I found my brother rats with various degrees of “porn” to some of which are unspeakable even to this day. Let’s just say that BRICKHOUSE MONTHLY was about more than just big asses. Ewwww. Surrounded by daily smut that made Playboy look like Entertainment Weekly, combined with the “rat-in-a-cage” desperation to just fuck something, anything, and everything that being a nasty, bald rat would instill, my snobby view of pornography was shattered. It was everywhere, and I wanted more.I had ordered a Playmates in Paradise video, which included Tanya Beyer and other Playmates running around beaches au natural. When it arrived in my VMI mail, I couldn’t wait to find an AV room to view my prize; however, finding a VACANT AV room had become a major problem. It seems most other cadets had the same idea as me, and far worse smut than I had. I had walked into what I thought was a dark, empty AV storage room only to find six of my fellow cadets gathered around a glowing screen showcasing what appeared to be some kind of German combination human anatomy video and cooking show. It was freakishly disgusting, unspeakably deplorable, and degrading to the human species in every way. Naturally, I took a seat.
Now, don’t freak out. No one in this viewing party had any plans other than using the images they see for later. That’s part of the protocol for group porn watching. No one take out their junk. You watch the porn, then everyone goes their separate ways to find some privacy. If you start abusing yourself in a group like this, not only is it uncouth, but you are liable to get your ass kicked. I mean, we have standards ya know.
So this particular video that I dare classify as pornography of some kind was over and the faceless cadet running the VCR noticed the video I had been clutching in my hands. With a voice that sounded like Buffalo Bill asking for me to put the lotion in the basket, he queried, “Hey, whatchu got there? Let’s see it!” I froze and before I could speak, another shadowy, nameless cadet snatched it from me and passed it to our host. I could tell he was holding it up to his face, trying to use the blue glow of the TV to decipher what it is. He grumbled “is this the one where the two hermaphrodites fuck each other in their gashes?”
I wanted to explain to the group that this was a high class Playboy video, full of artistic nudity and gorgeous, high class nude models in gorgeous scenery. Before I could respond, Cadet Buffalo Bill had already removed the tape from its colorful casing and jammed it into the VCR with his grubby, unwashed mitts. At first, the mood of the group was rowdy and excited as a preview of an Anna Nicole Smith video played before our feature. This was way before her tragic death and equally tragic television show. Various commentary about the girth of her tits and how fat girls have more cushion for the pushin’ could be heard before the feature presentation began. I figured at least I’d be able to see Tanya Beyer romp around the beach nude in all her glory, even if surrounded by the skeeziest pervs in the barracks.
Let me say this about Playboy videos. The models are gorgeous, the backgrounds are exotic and breathtaking, and the quality of these videos are professional. They feature themes, seductive stripteases, and exotic group nude romps punctuated by brief interviews with the ladies themselves. Playboy videos do not feature two women with ginormous purple strap on dildos performing the cunt-de-gra on each other while a third pees on them. This information quickly became apparent to the movie club as violent protests of the lack of penetration, cunnilingus, and what one referred to as “meat curtains” began to get louder and louder. The host growled “what kind of bullshit (homosexual) flick is this?!” which I found ironic in that we were all a room full of sweaty guys getting horny together.
Still, I ignored the protests because there, on the screen, Tanya was standing on the beach topless with another playmate explaining that they were actresses and their role called for them to run around the beach topless and play volleyball. They were acting, of course, not just being hot naked women on the beach. You gotta respect their craft.
Suddenly, the screen went blue as I could hear the mechanics of the VCR regurgitating my video. Cadet Buffalo Bill growled “that was the gayest shit I’ve ever seen!” as he tossed my video over his shoulder, which made a loud crash as it hit the floor. Buffalo Bill snarled for another film, but the mood had been broken. Another cadet clicked the light on his watch and exclaimed “Shit, it’s almost TAPS!” The movie club slowly, ashamedly took various exits to the storage room and made their escape.I waited to when I felt like everyone else had left and snuck over to the floor where my video had fallen. It wasn’t broken, but it felt greasy from Buffalo Bill’s mitts. As I made my way out of the room, with my tainted contraband, I noticed that Buffalo Bill had not left yet. He was just sitting there staring at the blue screen and I prayed that I didn’t see one hand down his pants as I opened the door to leave.
I made my way to my room, feeling like I had just seen the girl I was in love with (or at least wanted to get in her pants) just gang fucked before my eyes. I couldn’t keep the video anymore, it was tainted, soiled, and toxic to me. I rounded the corner towards my room and chucked the video down the garbage shoot, not even pausing to hear the clunk as it hit the trash bin below. I returned to my room just in time to hear the bugle for Taps and laid in my bed still trying to conjure the memory of Tanya Beyer’s mammaries in my head, only to hear Cadet Buffalo Bill and the Skeezy Movie Club’s protests in my mind to ruin the moment.
This marked the moment where Playboy would no longer do it for me; however, I would always remember Tanya Beyer as the object of my lust and affection, at least for that brief couple weeks. My level of acceptable pornography would gradually plummet over the years, perhaps for my own good. The 19 year old who lay bitter in his bed rack would never understand the glorious acts of perversion that awaited him just months away. Mel Brooks summed it up great in that he had been taught that sex was dirty, filthy, humiliating, and a sinful experience; and that’s exactly how it should be.
So, I hope you understand now how for a brief moment in my sexual awakening, Tanya Beyer, Playmate of the Month February 1992, was the focus of my lust and desire. Future Playmates, such as Karen McDougal, Stephanie Glasson, Corinna Harney, and yes, Jenny McCarthy would also capture my eye, but Tanya was kinda my first big Playboy crush. So, the other day, I decided to google her to find out what she is up to now. I had seen Facebook fanpages for former playmates and twitter accounts popping up for the hotties of the 1990’s. It was amazing how most of these women still looked somewhat hot, even though most of them now looked like cougars or trophy wives, they all still were hot for the most part. Thank you plastic surgeons of America!What I found about Tanya is heartbreaking and also vomit inducing similar to how I felt back in the movie club. Apparently, Tanya had been arrested in March of 2010 for drug trafficking and possession. She had also been on the run from the police for nearly 6 months before they arrested her. The shockingly tragic thing was not the charges but the picture of the now pot-marked, grizzled, haggered, downright fugly female who was supposed to be the very same woman I lusted after in my late teens. How could this happen?
Such an incredible disappointment. Turns out, she was a meth head and got involved in some serious shit. She was released at the end of last year, but the image of her skeezed out meth face still haunts me when I think about her. How could someone who at one time looked breathtakingly gorgeous now look like she rolled out of the ass of the creature from the fugly lagoon?
I guess to sum up, drugs are bad, mmmkay?
Illegal – adj. not according to or authorized by law, not sanctioned by official rules (as of a game)
Immigrant – a person who comes to a country to take up permanent residenceCalifornia Governor Jerry Brown signed the first part of a bill that will allow illegal immigrants to receive limited financial aid. This is part of what is referred to as the California Dream Act, which is designed to give financial aid to illegal immigrants. (Lin, AP 2011)
Before we get going on this topic, let’s set some ground rules: I am not against immigration reform nor am I against immigration in the legal sense. I am against illegal immigration. There is a major difference, and that is the adjective “illegal” in the above statement. It seems like every time I get into this debate, those arguing on the other side of the issue tend to fuse the issue in with anti-immigration, so let’s not go there. This is about legal versus illegal immigration, not immigration or no immigration.
Now then, what the hell is going on here?! Since when are we giving any government benefit to those who don’t have the respect to immigrate to our country legally?
How hard is it really to become an American Citizen, and shouldn’t it be worth any hassle one should expect? Am I to no longer drive with a license because the DMV was too complicated for me?
It just doesn’t make sense to me why we are even allowing this to go on. You cannot properly budget for a country without a proper headcount. Financial aid is a privilege afforded to American citizens, including legal immigrants.
What are your thoughts on this issue? Email us at email@example.com and we’ll read your comments on the air.
Ok, maybe in a Keith Richards and Steve-O kind of way we all had figured on this chick out living us all, but that’s kind of the whole point. The girl had a serious problem and was going to end up like this at some point, and all we did was treat her like a big joke. Now that she’s dead, we are all supposed to feel bad for pointing and laughing? We are all supposed to feel bad and ashamed for laughing at this train wreck? Would we feel the same if Lindsay Lohan was found dead tomorrow?
I’m not trying to piss on someone’s grave here, but seriously, what is Amy Winehouse famous for? What real hit besides Rehab did she have? I’m not taking away from her gift, she truly had a great voice and her music was unique in its mix of classic throwback jazz and modern day pop, but let’s be honest, she was a one hit wonder. Rehab was her only real success, but one hit song doesn’t make one a national sensation. Remember Cathy Dennis? Exactly!
She was a celebrity because of her drug crazed antics. She made headlines not because of a new released platinum greatest hits album, but the hits of heroine mixed with cocaine with a little mescal on the side. I mean, this girl was laughing at death in the face while giving it the finger and kicking it in the nuts. She was doing serious drugs and damn the consequences, which is what made her only hit Rehab all that more ironic. She should have gone to Rehab, YES YES YES.What we don’t know is what went on away from the media hype. Were people really trying to help her? Were people reaching out to her only to be told to fuck off? I’m sure she felt she didn’t need any help and anyone who tried to get her to go to rehab, she would tell them “NO NO NO!” It’s a tragedy, but let’s remember she did this to herself. We’ve all know someone who we’ve reached out to help and they’ve told us to mind our own business. Nothing we can do.
She was a joke we all laughed at. Don’t feel guilty now that she’s gone any more than feel guilty for watching Paris Hilton’s sex tape. (You know you did!) Her legend was even a mainstay in our own Weak Sauce News where Professor Kast would announce weekly, sometimes twice, that Amy Winehouse was still not dead. You don’t get to that level of global farce unless you’ve seriously got a problem.
So, Amy Winehouse is dead. It’s ok to be sad for the loss, it’s never a good thing when a human life ends. It’s also ok to laugh at the irony that she shocked us because we didn’t expect it to happen. At least the world knew her name and got to hear her gift.