MyndJack Radio Blog

Two days later and I’m still absolutely gobsmacked, over the reception that Dawg River Radio’s Aussie Rock and Swampy Blues Show received last Friday night! There were people on The Far Side Of The World listening and they were hootin’ an’ hollerin’ and  dancing in the STREET! Well … on the patio and the storefront sidewalk … but Hell! That’s as good as the street in My Book. To use an archaic 19th century English expression, “it was the completest thing this age!”

A week or so ago, I usually have to work on these things some few days, I decided I would play DRR listeners some Aussie Rock they probably hadn’t heard before. Oh, some few may well have heard at least one of the songs, but this was going to be stuff that had never got much airtime in the ol’ U.S.ofA. Not by a long shot. This was NOT gonna’ to be ACDC and INXS or even Men At Work, this was gonna’ be Jo Jo Zep, The Divinyls and Cold Chisel. Bands that were little known here (even with “I Touch Myself” by The Divinyls) but were well known and beloved in Australia. Yes Virginia; They were bloody HUGE Down Undah’!

So there I was, all ready for the show, with an hour or so of obscure (to most Americans) Aussie Rock and another hour of almost as obscure “Swamp Blues”. Now I knew I had one lovely lady in Australia who was going to be listening. Little did I know, that I was about to receive an instant message informing me that I had … SCORES.

It turns out that the lovely “Lady Wah Wah” (Ms. Sharon O’Brien) is a restauranteur who co-owns (with Mr. Bill Sloane) a swingin’ little Pop Stand, the Nosh Deli in Yarrawonga, a picturesque little village on the Murray River, in the hinterlands of Victoria, Australia. As luck would have it, and time zones, DRRadio airs right in the middle of the Nosh Deli’s lunch hour on Saturday at High Noon. So the joint was packed ta’ the gills with “noshers”, wait staff, Geoff “the chef” n’his surly crew (pirates all I’d wager, I used to work hospitality) and little did they know, they were fixin’ ta’ be aurally ravaged by this auld Parrothead in his Beach House on the Bayou.

Whilst listenin’ ta’ the show, in her office, Lady Wah Wah has a flash o’inspiration! “CRIKEY!“, she thinks, “Why don’t I pipe this ovah’ the bleedin’ Deli’s in-house little beauty of a supah’ poly-phonic, bodacious, 21st century Sound of his Masters Voice Victrola!” (OK, Ms. Sharon doesn’t REALLY talk like the late Steve Irwin, bless his heart … but I’m on a roll here!)

So she does, and … It Was On! Yer’ Skipper here was playin’ Science Fiction by The Divinyls an’ the ears around “The Nosh” pricked up like a mob o’starvin’ Dingo’s that smell lunch muckin’ about nearby. They started gettin’ restless, chewin’ in rhythm, fingers twitchin’ on the beat, toes tappin, pupils dilatin’. The wait staff start sashayin’ to the tables, like somethin’ from a Thousand n’One Nights, and Geoff The Chef’s head starts inta’ bobbin’ like a hungry heron surrounded by herd o’minnows.

The good Lady Wah Wah, meanwhile, informs (by Internet Semaphore) yer’ Skipper and others listening in a chatroom (we keep DRR listeners isolated from polite company) of what she was doin’, and the simultaneous anticpatin’ disaster, intake of breath was palpable. The “OMG’s!” and “AWESOMES!” were bouncin’ off the chatroom walls like atomic particles in a supercollider. Yer’ Skipper, knowin’ what was comin’ next, thinks to hisself, “Jesus, Joseph & Mary on a BIKE, what the H.E.Double Hockey Sticks have I done? I’m about to play Cold Chisel; They’re in bleedin’ Australia!; Women, Ankle Biters and slow movin’ Old Farts could be left twitchin’ in the aftermath! Oh well … hope some bloke takes a photo!”

And … some bloke did!

As you can plainly see .. Once Cold Chisel, one of the most beloved and possibly Best Aussie Rock Band ever, started blasting over “The Nosh’s” wonder of modern technology sound system, Bedlam ensued; and just like “Ye’ Olde Mad House” the denizens there were goin’ N.U.T.Z .. flippin’ Nutz’! Dancin’ in the streets! Flailin’ about like dervishes, throwin’ caution ta’ th’wind like a herd o’heathens with loaded dice, for all love!

And I, yer’ surly Cap’n Auld Man “Manny” Riva, could not have been more pleased nor proud of the havoc that the good “Lady Wah Wah” an’ m’self had caused….

OK .. back to reality. Thank You Sharon .. for sharin’ (nudge, nudge, wink, wink). And please, please, let your staff and patrons know how much I was truly overcome with emotion as I heard about this “happening Down Undah” … No Really! There was a sniffle, a catch in the throat so there was. I’m old … It’s allowed .. Har har harrrrrrrrr

Alright alright alright .. Myndrunner has done his guilt trip thing and got me to do another blog post. Hey! Ya’ know … I just don’t have that bloody much to say, an’ most o’what I do have to say normally borders on incoherence and is rarely relevant to anything in this world. That is to say the world other than the one I inhabit on a daily basis. Which, unbeknownst to you … or, possibly knownst’ to you (hell who knows!) is a world that under no circumstances should be bandied about in polite company. But, seein’ as how I have some notion of just who will read this hot mess, and on further reflection, I’m not gonna’ fret over it none too much.

So what I’m gonna’ do is start out slow and blather about stuff I normally blather about on a weekly basis at the All Digital Radio Network. In other words … I’m gonna pimp my damn Internet Radio Show! There may be somethin’ else that gets me off on a tangent, hell, I’m just gettin’ warmed up.

As you might detect (if you are of a detectin’ persuasion) from the image I included, I’m goin’ to do a show this Friday night that comprises (see I am semi-literate Ms Ann T. and Ms Sharon) Rock Music from Australia, (thus the image of Ayers Rock which resides Down Under scrubs!) and what I call “Swamp Blues”. Blues music that has a kind of Deep South funk to it. But I’ll get back to that here in a bit.

The Aussie Rock you’re gonna’ hear is likely to be unfamiliar to most of you, with one or two songs that some of you may have heard. It’s late 70′s and early 80′s stuff that unless you’re from Australia you’ve probably not heard before. Does the name Jo Jo Zep ring a bell? Cold Chisel? Yeah … I didn’t think so. Cold Chisel had one song that made it to American Radio and Jo Jo Zep & The Falcons, none. The Divinyls, which is the other Aussie band I’m tossin’ in, had a couple hit the U.S. Charts and I’ll play a couple of those for all the band waggoners.. plus I just love the hell outta’ the songs!

Swamp or Swampy Blues. which is totally my own term, is a bit more difficult to explain … probably because I don’t have it nailed down in my own noggin’ just yet. It’s probably more a feel than anything, meaning it just feels Swampy. A swamp (other than being hip deep or better in water) is humid even steamy, mostly dark unless it’s light, varying shades of a monochromatic palette with pockets of incredibly bright color and enough pure-T funk to make you think there’s still some on ya’ days after you’ve left. It’s a Gumbo, a mixture of disparate but symbiotic parts that make up a whole.

And that is exactly what Swamp Blues is! A Gumbo … ‘sophisticatedly’ unsophisticated and rural and gritty except where it’s urban and smooth. The contradictions spice up the mixture that has gospel, country, folk and funk all thrown in the pot with the Blues. It’s not Chicago, Kansas City or West Coast Blues. It’s from Swamp Country and that’s Deep, Deep South … and it speaks to me like no other … and I’ve talked with all the rest.

Bon Soir Ya’ll

Myndjack Radio Idol Season 3 is well underway! Also underway are the legendary and sometimes incendiary GROUP Performances. Our shows producers, including Myndrunner and the irascible Major Manny Minor are quite fond of the Group Numbers … Some would say obsessed.

Talk around the water cooler here at MJR Studios has it that those two have images of spangled, rhinestone encrusted semi-fashionable gown clad young women of the female persuasion, being trotted out on the grand stage of some Miss -Ellaneous competition to attempt singing some Barry Manilow tune or other.

Those of us in the know are aware that this is of course, far far from the truth. The real story behind the media fed frenzy of insidious rumour is that what they really have careening off their coconut’s interior’s is a disturbing image of All Digital Radio’s own Alan Attebery dressed in what the layman calls Drag, and not of the racing sort; although .. having intimate personal knowledge of said cerebral imagery .. that dress was a bit racy! A little black number, slit to the hip, strategically placed peek-a-boo cut……… waitaminute! What am I…? Whoaaaaaa

Let’s get back to the issue at hand.. Shall we?

MyndJack Radio Idol Season 3 has a whole truckload of wonderfully talented performers aspiring to be your NEXT Myndjack Radio Idol. And I don’t make that assertion (check it out, I used aspiring and assertion in less than two sentences) lightly. I have audibly verifiable proof yer’ honorships!

Exhibit 1:

Build Me Up Buttercup featuring Montario Hill, Nick Smith and Jay Danger. More fun could not be had by a barrel o’monkeys … unless aforesaid primates possessed a bottle o’Parrot Bay.

Exhibit 2:

Wannabe featuring Intern Jessica, Goodnite Irene, Mr. Voice and Patrick Coombs. The Spice Girls could merely have WISHED to have inspired this kind of admiration and turbid flatulence from Farm Animals.

Exhibit 3:

Waterfalls featuring the vocal stylings of Joanna Pearl, Jazzy, Joseph Smith and Ann T. Maim. Turn the lights down low with your main squeeze an’ get busy ya’ll.

Exhibit 4:

I Don’t Feel Like Dancing with MCS, Kyle Higly, “Daz” Gray, Frauletta and Mrs. Voice .. They may not feel it .. But YOU’LL feel like dancin’.

I rest my case .. Here come da Judge!

This is a Special Report from across the pond written by the venerable and right dis-honorable John Cleese and read for us by Cap’n Riva’s cousin and Pirate Radio newsreader Chutney Marmaduke Crapstone-Riva II.

G-Spot Special Report

30º 46′01″ N
88º 03′30″ W
North Wind 10knots, light chop

As you all know, Myndjack Radio and several other shows on the All Digital Radio Network have been “infested” lately by a nefarious keelhauler of a dirtbag who sounds somewhat like a very scary lubber known as PINHEAD. A legendary character well known to those of you with the unfortunate poor taste to spend time self flaggelatin’ yerselfs’ watching movies that scare the stank off yer bilge…

As you can see from the above ‘picher … yer Capn’ has DE-Mysty-fied the TRUE identity of our “Sabateur” to borrow a misused term from several really BAD television “reality game shows”. I use the term “reality” loosely as not a single one of these things exist on any reality based plane of existence that any lubber not a subscriber to The National Enquirer would admit to having knowledge about. Of course I exclude our host’s of Reality Check Radio from this distinction as they are well known visitors from the 11th dimension anyway.

The upshot of this ramblin’ dissertation is this … Be Not Afraid Myndjack Nation. The scary monster is NOT who you might think it be’. But a helmet wearin’, short bus ridin’ window licker who OBVIOUSLY has help attackin’ the fine Port’s o’Call that make up The All Digital Radio Network, Myndjack Radio bein’ the flagship of course!! Just so you’ll be clear about who is WHO, here’s a comparison ‘picher you can print out and carry about with ya’s to settle yer’ jangled nerves……..

Well scuttle my chitlin’s, ain’t you a motley lot. Out here on the foredeck a’doin’ yer choir practice. But God save Methusalem’s Liver, I’d a give ya’s somethin’ mo’ bettah’ than YMCA to chortle about with…. Gonna have ta’ have a tete a tete with the Myndscunner so I am…..

But like right seamen and seawhoa!men yer makin’ the best of a worm rotted ship with table linens fer sails and a blind quartermasters mate (that’d be the bloke steerin’ the ship ya’ swabs). Makin’ fer’ port like right fine Pirates so ya arrrrrrrrr. I thinks you’ll depor… umm.. comport yer’selfs in fine fashion come the MyndJack FLEET GATHERIN’ on Thursday next…. Ya’ might be keepin’ a eye peeled fer yer odd Dandy Boy on the prowl once they’s heard yer song though… Just Sayin’.

The MyndJack Crewe … dirt bags one and sundry (that means all knotheads) would like to welcome Her Debness, The Succubus of Sarcasm, Her Arse Holiness, Deb Della Terrazzo errr.. Terza, to our ranks as a host.

We would LIKE to … but in all honesty cannot. Yes you heard … sorry … You read it right. Can NOT; why you ask; inquiring mynd all twitchy with confusion and anticipation. Well … for one very simple reason. Herself is a DAME, not a DUDE, so that makes her ladyship a hostESS, don’t it?

Come on Re-Re’s; stay with me here, this ain’t Masters dissertation time, it’s a simple welcome with a twist and a modicum of language manipulation to ascertain your level of “payin attention.”

Yes … The Deb in All “Deb”ital Radio, The Itch that won’t be scratched, The Voice in your head that constantly reminds you of how big a Douche Bag you are, The Object of every Pirate’s desire and star of his pornographic dreams is now a co-host on MyndJack Radio. How’s THAT leave yer dongle danglin’ Sparky? Yeah, just as I surmised; there’s that “kid with a new baseball, bat and glove, what the hell do I do with THESE” look again.

I guess I’ll just have to re-iterate the suggestion I’ve personally made to some of you privately … in a more Public fashion. Go get the helmet outta your closet, put it over your coconut, put in your mouthpiece, and “board the short bus” by tuning in at
www.alldigitalradio.com Tuesdays and Thursdays 9PM to 11PM Eastern.

That’s right folks don’t touch that DIAL! For a nominal service charge you can reach nirvana two nights a week, just by tuning into the flagship program on the most listened to network on the Internet. MyndJack Radio on alldigitalradio.com

06 January, 2010

30º 46’01″ N
88º 03’30″ W
North Wind 10knots, light chop

It’s a new year! Happy Days… another chance to have one as shyte-for-brained stupid as the last one. I just can not wait to see what happens next. So, just to get this thing started off on the right foot, I think I’ll begin with a rant about New Years Resolutions … All Hands About Deck!

What’s all this happy horse hockey about bloody New Years Resolutions. What IS a bloody Resolution. Well I’ll tell ya’s, ya keelhaulin’ ratbags. A resolution is a resolution is a resolution. Committee’s make resolutions. Governmental committee’s make a mountain of em of course and amateur’s on various boards make em. But the most insidious of em’ all is the ones lubbers make for em’selves.

God awful tortuous things that I as a sworn Brother of the Coast would not even require of the most heinous of backstabbin’ sea slugs! Now Mebbe’ I WOULD have a Purple Tongued Interloper of a Lawyer do em’ on occasion and under special circumstances like it bein’ ……. OHHH, Tuesday. But them buggers wisely steer clear of waters I”M reported to be lurkin’ about in.

Shore dwellers must be bloody escapee’s from Bedlam or somethin’. Bedlam dear reader was the London Crazy house where the public could pay a copper and walk through and look at the inmates actin’ batshyte back in the 16th to 19th Centuries. THOSE Buggers knew good Entertainment. Not like these shysters today foisting off talent shows for the silly and untalented for a worldwide audience. What ever happened to walkin down a hall and watchin a naked crazy lady bangin her head off the wall of her cell? Or some naked hairy slobberin’ bugger flingin shyte at the gawkers? Now THAT would be reality TV.

Why would any lubber in their right mind resolve to swear off tabaccy’ or the drinkin’ o’grog? Why there ain’t nothin’ better after a hard day o’ bombardin yer’ odd shore battery than sittin’ back of an evenin’ puffin’ a big ol’ fat CeeGar and sippin’ on a nice mug o’ Port. Now Why would some knothead swear off o’that?

Yes, yes I know the supposed reasonin’ behind some o’ this insanity.
“I been totin’ around 25 lbs of useless fat”…. Well why don’t ya just cut yer head off.
“I want to get myself in shape like I was … well I can’t remember, but like I was”.
How about this Sir Moans-a-lot? Get off yer arse and walk about!! I know.. alien concept but one that works throughout the Cosmos. I know cause I’ve been told.. yes you heard me.. The Cosmik Bakers told me and they’re the ones responsible for all you Fruitcakes runnin’ about half baked!

Here’s a resolution for ya, and it’s not even hard ta do and don’t take but a moment. Do a couple deep knee bends, rotate yer arms a bit, take a deep breath…. And WALK THE FOOKIN” PLAAANK..